Choice Making
Red or Blue
Which one do you choose?
Life is a series of choices. Whether we like it or not, they make up a large part of what we physically make of the world around us and to an even larger part how we cognitively perceive it. Choices - no matter the size of their impact on ourselves or on others - are a fundamental part of life. This reality does not make the topic any easier though. The following post does not dare to attempt to uncover the whole mystery of choice and how to use it. But for whatever it is worth, it does offer my understanding of the topic as well as some tools and frameworks I use to try make better choices.
Choices and time
Choices and time stand in a very close relationship. Because without the limitation of time, choices do not really mean anything. They are not inherently meaningful.
Imagine yourself the human you are, but imagine you were invincible and couldn't be killed. Time would still exist for you, but you would have an infinite amount of it ahead of you.
Now imagine making a choice in this admittedly somewhat abstract state. What impact would this choice have?
Well, it would definitely change something. The choice might cause something to break, it might cause something to be created. It might make you cry, it might make you laugh. It might cause hate or love, pride or shame, happiness or depression.
What the choice would not carry though is meaning. With infinite time at hand, you would experience all of these possible consequences of choices an infinite amount of times. Intentionally placing your choices would be pointless. Creating good would not save you from the infinite amount of bad waiting for you in your infinite future. Doing anything in the present moment would feel stupid. You could always do or not do it later anyway. It would not matter.
The Trade Off Rule (T.O.R.)
Continuing the thought process from above, we arrive at the key conclusion: In our existing world where humans live and then die, we have to choose. Because we do not have an infinite amount of moments and thus opportunities to make a given choice, we are doomed - or blessed, depending on how you want to see it - to make a limited amount of choices. As a logical consquence, it becomes impossible to choose, have, know - or whatever other verb you can imagine - everything.
This limitation is what makes our choices valuable and meaningful though. Just like the price of an item rises, when it is rare, our choices mean something to us, because with each one, we sacrafice something else.
Choosing what to study after school feels like a big deal, because we know we might not be able to change the subject again afterwards. It might be possible once or twice, maybe more, but not infinitely. Choosing to get married makes us feel excited and nervous, because we know the weight of that choice and the huge investment that comes with it. Sure, you can get divorced. But each time spent with one person means less time to spend on future lovers. I could go on with a million more examples.
To link this to the title of this chapter: Every choice is a trade-off. You get one thing - good, bad, it does not matter - and you pay with the sacrafice of another. Learn to become a good trader and you might be able to avoid time, energy and nerves spent on things you do not actually care about. This might not be all that is needed to live a good life, but it sure does seem like a big chunk.
Hell yeah, or no
Although I haven't read Derek Sivers' book "Hell Yeah or No", the concept of its title still remains one of my most beloved tools in regard to making better choices. From small choices with relatively minor consequences to grand choices that demand significant time, energy or financial investments, by reminding myself of this simple yet powerful phrase "hell yeah or no" I try to always remain aware of the trade-offs that come with saying yes to something.
On a deeper level, Sivers' phrase with its radical demand of only saying yes to things that you truly feel inspired and willing to do, it also warns of what Cal Newport calls actions of "some benefit". These are choices that do lead to a positive and desirable outcome, but one where there would have been an alternative with a much higher benefit density.
What both Sivers and Newport recommend is to avoid all things - or at least the bulk of them - that do not make you rage in excitement. It sure is a strong expectation and one whose applicability in day to day life shall remain questionable, but the underlying principle and understanding of the consequences of choices do have great value in my opinion. Make of it what you see fit.
The one true choice
I admit, the title is a provoking statement which definitely does not have any comsically existing validity. But personally, I do think that the following is the choice that has the biggest influence on our lives and yet is the one least acknowledged by most people. I am talking about the choice of reaction and perception.
When we think of choices, we tend to think of very concrete and obvious examples in our physical world. Which pair of shoes should I buy? Which club should I join? What email should I respond to first?
But there are many layers and more hidden forms of choices we make on a daily basis, that actually have a much greater effect on our human experience. The quote down below explains it better than I ever could. The idea: Most of the things outside of us, we control very little. What we can control is what we make of the external, how we decide to see and react to it.
I myself am nowhere close to being able to only focus on this category of choices in my own life, but I do consider it the champions league of choice making. To what extent it is practially appliable is debateable, but being aware of the idea and practicing a bit can help make life a lot more managable.
"Things don't happen to us, they happen through us."
Conclusion
The topic of choice is a difficult and very wide one. There are so many resources, different ideas and frameworks people a lot smarter than me have created to master their own choice making. I myself still make many bad choices where I intentionally trade poorly. And I think there is noting directly wrong with that. But trying to better understand what choice making actually is and opening our eyes to its constant presence in our daily lives is something I think anyone can profit from.