Peace in a relationship
Introduction
Nowadays, the rate of divorce is alarmingly high, and many relationships end up failing due to a multitude of reasons. One of the primary causes is that people often lack the knowledge and understanding of what constitutes a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It's crucial to recognize the essential elements that contribute to a successful and long-lasting partnership, and among them, peace is undoubtedly a common factor. A relationship that is built on a foundation of peace tends to be healthier, more resilient, and ultimately, more satisfying for both partners.
To be free of passion and yet full of love.
This post contains
- 🧘🏻 What does peace look like?
- ➰ Peace vs. Passion
- ☀️ How to achieve peace
- 🎞 Final thoughts
- 🔗 Sources
What does peace look like?
To understand what is trying to be said it is crucial to understand what we mean by peace.
Peace in a relationship is characterized by a sense of comfort, trust, and emotional safety. It means that you can be your authentic self without fear of judgment or rejection. It's a feeling of acceptance and understanding that comes from both partners being on the same page and working towards common goals. Communication is clear and respectful, and disagreements are handled in a constructive manner. There is a sense of balance and equality, with each partner contributing to the relationship in their own way. There is no anxiety, no need for jealousy, there’s trust and both your minds are calm.
In short, peace in a relationship is a state of mutual harmony and contentment.
Peace vs. Passion
Passion in a relationship refers to an intense emotional and physical attraction between two people. It is often characterized by strong feelings of desire, excitement, and pleasure. These are the main aspects people tend to focus on when assessing their relationships, specially when some years have passed and inevitably this intense passion has settled.
So while passion can be exciting and alluring in the early stages of a relationship, it's not necessarily what we should be looking for in a long-term partnership. When passion is the sole foundation of a relationship, it can create a codependent dynamic, where both partners become reliant on the intense emotions they feel for one another.
In contrast, a relationship that is built on a foundation of peace tends to be more stable and fulfilling in the long run.
Peaceful relationships should not be mistaken for boredom. When there’s peace, drama is reduced. If what one's used to in relationships is this intense passion, it’s likely that they’ll interpret calm as lack of attraction and will probably keep falling into these passion driven relationships that end when the passion ends, which inevitably does.
Therefore, although passion can be an important part of a relationship, as it can provide a sense of adventure and excitement, it should not be the sole foundation for a lasting partnership nor should it be the key assessment factor to how healthy and fulfilling a relationship is.
How to achieve peace
Before the relationship
1️⃣ Know yourself and what you want.
It's important to take some time to reflect on your values, needs, and goals before entering into a relationship. This way, you'll be honest with yourself about what you're looking for in a partner and a relationship.
A crucial aspect of this process is identifying your boundaries. Boundaries are the limits you set for yourself in terms of what you will and won't accept from others.
Another key part of knowing yourself is understanding your communication style. Everyone has their own way of expressing themselves, and being aware of your own style can help you communicate more effectively with a potential partner. For example, if you tend to avoid conflict, you may need to work on being more assertive in expressing your needs and concerns. On the other hand, if you tend to be very direct and confrontational, you may need to work on communicating more sensitively and empathetically.
Lastly, knowing yourself also means being aware of your emotional needs and how they may impact your relationship. If you tend to be insecure or jealous, for example, this could create problems in your relationship that may disturb the peace. Identifying these emotional patterns and working to address them can help you develop greater self-awareness and emotional maturity.
2️⃣ Know who you should want
People tend to let their feelings guide who they date, they let themselves get invested in someone they find attractive and nice, before analysing other important factors.
When it comes to achieving peace in a relationship, it's not just about knowing yourself, it's also about knowing who to look for in a partner. This involves being clear about what qualities and characteristics you are looking for in a relationship, and being mindful of any red flags that may indicate a potential incompatibility. This is crucial before you get too invested because even if you do end up recognising any red flags, once you're with someone, it's much harder to get retract.
One important aspect to consider is compatibility in terms of lifestyle and values. For example, if you are someone who values a healthy and active lifestyle, it may be important for you to find a partner who shares those values and is willing to make healthy choices with you.
Another important factor to consider is communication style. As mentioned earlier, we all have different ways of expressing ourselves, and it's important to find a partner whose communication style aligns with yours. For example, if you are someone who values direct and honest communication, it may be frustrating to be with someone who avoids conflict or tends to be passive-aggressive.
Additionally, you might want to take into account your attachment styles. Attachment theory is a psychological model that explains how people form and maintain relationships with others. Modern attachment style theory suggests that knowing your attachment style can be a helpful tool in finding a partner who is a good fit for you.
There are three main attachment styles: secure, anxious and avoidant. Individuals with a secure attachment style tend to be comfortable with intimacy and are able to trust others, while those with an anxious attachment style may be clingy or overly dependent on their partners, and those with an avoidant attachment style may struggle with commitment and have difficulty getting close to others.
This theory is much more complex, but by properly understanding it you can become more intentional in choosing partners who are compatible with your attachment style, and avoid relationships that are likely to be mismatched or charged with tension.
During the relationship
Once you're ready and you've found a person who you're compatible with, making it work will be much easier. Nevertheless, effort still has to be put in.
I've already talked about this in previous posts so I suggest you read them as a completion to this one.
Final thoughts
A relationship that is built on a foundation of peace tends to be healthier, more resilient, and ultimately, more satisfying for both partners. This is why everyone looking for a long-term relationship should aspire to have this feeling. By understanding your needs and your wants you can find someone who you'll be able to form this type of relationship with, always keeping in mind that for a relationship to work and be healthy, effort must be put in no matter the person.