Introduction

Have you ever found yourself getting upset or frustrated by something that someone else said or did, even if it seemed innocuous to them? Perhaps you felt a surge of anger when someone expressed an opinion that clashed with your own, or maybe you felt hurt or upset when someone didn't seem to take your concerns seriously.

This post contains...

1. 👀 Understanding our triggers
2. 🗽"It's a you problem" mindset
3. 🧮 Final thoughts

Our triggers

Reactions such as frustration, disappointment, anger, or sadness can be triggered by a variety of factors, including our own moral code, beliefs, values, and stress levels.

Our moral code is a set of standards that we hold ourselves and others to, which guide our behaviour and decision-making. Our moral code is an important factor in triggering negative reactions to others' actions. We all have a sense of what is right and wrong, and when we feel that our moral code is being violated, we may react strongly. For example, if someone makes a racist or sexist comment, we may feel outraged and offended. Our moral code acts as a filter for our experiences, shaping how we interpret and respond to the world around us.

Similarly, our beliefs and values can also play a role in triggering our emotional responses. Our beliefs are our understanding of how the world works, while our values are our prioritised principles that guide our actions. Our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world can be deeply ingrained and may cause us to react strongly to certain situations. For example, if we believe that we are not good enough, we may be triggered by criticism or rejection. Similarly, if we value honesty above all else, we may be triggered by lies or deception.

Stress can also be a significant factor in our emotional reactions to others' actions. When we are already feeling overwhelmed or stressed, even small incidents or comments can feel like a much bigger deal, and can trigger negative emotional responses. For example, if we are under a lot of pressure at work, we may be more likely to snap at our coworkers or family members.

Finally, our need for control can also play a role in triggering negative reactions. When we feel like we are not in control of a situation, we may feel anxious, angry, or frustrated. For example, if someone is doing something that we don't like, we may feel like we need to control their behaviour in order to feel better.

In order to manage our emotional reactions to triggers, it is important to understand and recognise our own moral code, beliefs, values, and stress levels. By becoming more aware of our own triggers, we can work to develop coping mechanisms that help us manage our emotions in a healthy and constructive way.

"It's a me problem" mindset

Once we have identified your triggers, we need to focus on developing a sense of self-awareness around them. Try to pay attention to your own thought patterns and emotional reactions in response to triggers, and notice how they affect your behaviour. When we feel ourselves getting triggered, we can take a step back and observe our own thought patterns and emotional reactions. Are we jumping to conclusions or assuming the worst about the other person's intentions? Are we letting our emotions control our behaviour? By paying attention to these patterns, we can begin to develop a more balanced and rational perspective on the situation. Afterwards it will be easy to adopt the following mindset.

The "It's a me problem" mindset essentially means recognising that our emotional reactions are our own and that we have the power to choose how we respond to others. This mindset shifts the focus away from blaming or judging others for our emotional responses and instead places the responsibility on ourselves to manage our reactions in a healthy and constructive way.
For example, let's say that you have a trigger around being late. Whenever someone arrives late somewhere, even if you're not the one meeting that person, you feel angry, even if this doesn't affect you whatsoever. By developing self-awareness around this trigger, you might notice that your first instinct is to get stressed or to get into a bad mood. Once you realise that your negative reactions to others' actions are your own responsibility, it becomes easier to let go of the need to blame or judge others.

This frees us up to focus on developing healthier coping mechanisms and creating more positive interactions with others. Instead of getting caught up in a cycle of reactivity and blame, we can take control of our own responses and create more positive outcomes.

Final thoughts

In conclusion, reducing our reactivity to other people's actions is not only important for our own well-being, but also for maintaining positive relationships with others. By understanding our triggers and developing a sense of self-awareness around them, we can take responsibility for our emotional reactions and choose to respond in a healthy and constructive way. The "It's a me problem" mindset shifts the focus away from blaming others and instead empowers us to create positive outcomes. By taking ownership of our emotions, we can foster a more positive and constructive approach to interactions and develop better coping strategies.