Toolbox for Life
Priciples, values, rules
Do you have any of those ready at hand?
Do you even have any principles or things you truly value? What are they? And what impact do you think would it have to be more aware of them? Would you act differently? I admit, a lot of questions. But really try to give it a thought. Of course I can only speak for myself here, but having something, anything really, to hold on to in life, does seem to make the whole thing a lot more managable and less scary. In this week's post I want to introduce you to a more suffisticated version of such a philosophical but truly practically oriented foundation for life - a toolbox for life.
The toolbox metaphor
Let's cut right to the chase of what this toolbox I am talking about actually is. Imagine a regular toolbox first. Consisting of some sort of chest on the outside, on the inside there are many different tools for different applications. Some of these tools are larger, some of them are smaller. Some of them solve multiple problems, some of them only solve one very specific problem. Some of them are used more often than others. Some toolboxes have a million different tools. They are equipped for any possible situation. Other toolboxes only contain the bare essentials. They fail when more complex situations arise, but they are a lot lighter.
Now take this understanding of what an actual toolbox is and transfer it to what this post is actually about - building a philosophical foundation for life. Instead of a hammer, imagine a value. Instead of a screwdriver, picture a coping method. Instead of a carpet knife, envision a quote.
When I speak of a toolbox for life, what I am specifically referring to is a written collection of what you fundamentally believe, what you truly value, what coping techniques you have already accquired and what general strategies you have.
Just like with a regular toolbox, certain tools may need to get exchanged after some time. They become brittle or simply aren't needed anymore. With the arrival of new problems, new tools may need to get added. Some of them will turn out to be useful, others won't. And so things evolve. With time, the contents of the toolbox become more and more refined and require less and less change.
First layer benefits
Having a toolbox for life - a written document compiling all of your key beliefs and understandings, all of your coping methods, your strategies and core values - comes with many benefits. Of course the effects of such a handbook will differ from person to person and what relationship you choose to develop with it. For me personally though, creating my own toolbox for life has done me many favors.
First, it has given me a much better and deeper understanding of myself by confronting me with fundamental and to some extent existensial questions. What is it for example that I actually value in my life? What is the origin of these traits? Do I like them or do I maybe disklike them?
Second, the toolbox for life has also just helped me have a more organized overview of the tools contained within it. Some people do already identify with certain value or principle related terms - veganism, feminism or activism to name some examples. But when does life naturally demand us to put all of these individual strings of our personality and thought stream together? Going through the process of building my own toolbox for life has shown me contradictions in my own belief system. It has allowed me to get to a new depth of myself and is continuing to do so.
Lastly, in terms of strategies and coping methods, my toolbox for life has increased my effective use and application of them as I now have them black on white, ready to be revised at any time.
Like I said, humans are full of contradictions.
Tom Hanks
Second layer benefits
If we look at the effects of the toolbox for life from a second layer perspective, the benefits become even more clear.
The idea behind the toolbox for life is not to change you - at least not directly. Instead, it is supposed to confront you with who you currently are on a deep and fundamental level. The whole point behind having this authentic visualisation of who you are, is so that when reality sets in and hits you full force, with time and practice you will be able to respond better.
At first, you might still react out of pure impulse and totally disregard what you actually value. But this time you will at least know. Having your own principles, values and strategies written out, means you will now know when someone opposes a belief or opinion of yours. You will not be able to bend your own opinion to your liking anymore, but you will have your stance. The comfort of adaptation will be exchanged with the harshness of confrontation. Some of your beliefs will convincingly be unarmed by another person. Some of them will persist and thus strengthen your belief in them.
It is a path of trial and error, of testing, of rejection, humility and reflection. It is a path of breaking the misconception that constantly adapting and never settling was true learning and development. Because only when you dare to have an opinion and live it, will you be able to test its resilience and reality.
In consequence, the toolbox for life is not supposed to resist change and settle you in on certain fundamentals forever. Instead, it forces you to take a stance, so that through conversation and exchange with others, you can find the path to what you truly seek and believe in. The goal - although it remains a journey - is to develop your own codex. A codex that has withstood the test of time and pressure to the point where it becomes practically unbreakable. A point, where you have invested so much thought and reflection on it, it is now who you authentically are. Externally enforced rules and values will not be able to enslave you anymore. You will be a free person under your own law.
People’s perceptions and feelings may change, but the underlying values, and the metrics by which those values are assessed, stay the same. This is not real progress.
Mark Manson
Building a toolbox for life
Giving you a straight answer on how to build your own toolbox for life is tempting. But at the end of the day, there is no one perfect way of building one. The following is the structure I use, but feel free to adapt it to your needs, add and take away. Whether you formulate your answers in full text or in bullet points, feel free to choose yourself. Using graphical visualisations is another way to go about it. Digital or analog, you decide.
- My core beliefs
- My values
- My priorities
- My principles
- My coping phrases and quotes
- My practical coping methods
- My general strategies
- My emergency plans
The following "rules" are to be taken with a pinch of salt, but they might help guide the process in the "right" direction.
- Do not attempt to make it perfect. The whole point is to test your current beliefsystem and evolve it.
- Be honest and write down what you think is true, not what others would want or expect you to write down.
- Take your time with it. It is a process.
- Do not make yourself a victim of your own toolbox. After all, it is supposed to help you, not enslave you.
- Expect to contradict yourself. None of us are perfect. You will break your own rules. Acknowledging the dissonance without judgement is key.
- Do not expect your toolbox to immediately change your life. The effect compounds over time.
Conclusion
Life is difficult enough in itself, so why not make it a little easier by applying certain strategies and tools to help us better manage our day to day lives. The toolbox for life is one of such tools and frameworks. It is a memorable term for a more abstract idea of building one's own handbook and guide for life. History shows, we humans always seem to have had the need of believing in something, holding on to something and building abstract constructs to legitimate our exsitance and behavior. Religion being a strong example, I have decided that I want to build my guide and handbook for life myself. And although that does mean more work on my end, the resulting foundation is as stable and resilient as it can be and truly represents who I am. It is a journey and one with no end, but the understanding gained seems worth the struggle to me. What do you think?