Introduction

Do you have any friends who are vampires?

No, I am not taking about the blood-sucking hotties from Twilight. What I am talking about is a framework for grouping friends and relationships in general into those which are worth your time and those who aren't.

Sure, relationships are complex and there are nuances that this framework may not account for. But as I explained in my post about mastering abstraction, just because frameworks are simplifications of complex things (such as relationships), it doesn't mean there isn't value in them.

This vampire framework is based on Austin Kléon's book Show your work.

This post covers...

1. ❓ Why even bother
2. 🧛🏻‍♂️ Vampire friends
3. 💎 Gem friends
4. 🪨 The stone metaphor
5. 🌍 Conclusion

Why even bother

"You become who you spend the most time with." Surely everyone knows this quote or some variation of it. But in the midst of our lives we too often forget to take it to heart.

We simply become friends with those who are around and for as long as these people don't leave, we stick with them, unaware of the fundamental influence they have on the quality of our lives, our thoughts and the direction of our future.

For this exact reason, it is so crucial to take a step back and take a closer look on the relationships we have and ask ourselves, why we have them.

And sure, not every relationship has to be optimized for productivity or efficiency or output. But it is really not just about that.

It is instead about how the people we spend time with make us feel. Do they make us feel encouraged to follow our passions? Do they make us feel ashamed of who we are? Do they seem to open doors or close them?

The main understanding this vampire framework is based on is the idea of time and energy.

Time and energy both represent two of the most valuable resources we as humans have. They are so precious for they are finite and irrecoverable once lost. The vampire framework is entirely based upon making the most of these two scarce resources.

Vampire friends

Vampire friends are people that whenever you engage with them, it feels like they're sucking the life out of you.

They are the type of people who leave you tired, exhausted, uncomfortable and who somehow manage to erupt negative emotions deep within you and cause significant disturbance of your inner peace.

And whilst all relationships require a certain time input, with vampire friends, you don't get anything in return. What you are left with is an exhausted mind and a mental and physical sludge.

It's both a waste of time and a waste of energy, a terrible deal! And it is a terrible deal independent of that other person being a complete waste-man or the most capable and influential person on earth.

Gem friends

Gem friends are the opposite of vampire friends. They fuel you with energy, excitement, passion and drive. In their presence, you feel encouraged to follow new thoughts, speak up on ideas you have, confidently ask questions and be curious.

Independent of whether or not you are more of an extrovert or an introvert, these relationships feel significantly more organic, refreshing and energizing than the ones you have with those vampires in your life. They allow you to develop as a person and open new doors and possiblities.

They are true gems in the realm of relationships.

The stone metaphor

The stone metaphor is a visualization of the contrast between vampire and gem friends.

Vampire friends are represented as a boulder you are pushing up a mountain. They require your constant energy input, suck it all up and even if you let go just a little bit, the boulder/the relationship does not move forward anymore, it gets stuck on its way up to the peak and rolls right back over you the moment you let go of the boulder.

Gem friends on the other hand are represented as a boulder you push down a hill. After one initial push at the top of the mountain, the boulder takes care of rolling down the mountain itself, effortlessly and naturally.

And yes, again, all of this is a vast simplification. For example, gems friends are not just about prioritizing friends with whom everything is extremely easy. It's ok and necessary for relationships to go through hardships to strengthen.

But taking a closer look at our relationships and asking ourselves the simple question of whether or not these relationships make our lives better or worse, this framework can be very useful.

Conclusion

Relationships are complex. But that doesn't solve the problem of us having to deal with them. The people we spend time with influence our lives significantly in all kinds of ways. Knowing whether this influence is positive or negative is important.

The vampire framework gives us a simply tool and visual reference for analyzing friendships by looking at how they affect our mood and energy.

This way we can focus on searching for and nurturing gem relationships and free ourselves from the tyranny of these vampire energy-suckers!